Thursday, May 29, 2008


Isn’t that what our relationship with the Lord is really ALL about? Last night I gave into anxiety and baked chocolate chip cookies – both milk chocolate with pecans and white chocolate with macadamia nuts [okay – I admit, they were the break apart and put in the oven kind…as my boys are quick to say, I PREPARE food, I’m not much of a real cook] and then, after eating way more than I should have, I had that awful lethargic full and miserable feeling of having sugar in my system. Went to bed shortly after... so is sugar my drug of choice? Ha. We laugh, but this could be truer than I want to admit. [And before you ask, no, I don’t have a blood sugar problem – have been tested at least twice during the past year of medical madness and all is well there.] I guess the good news is that at least I RECOGNIZE that I’m self-medicating with ccc [chocolate chip cookies] as opposed to being in denial about it…

But you see, I woke up yesterday with anxiety about M and Senior Trip. And it only became worse throughout the day. These days anxiety reveals itself to me with the terrible – terrible feeling of acid reflux and despite taking all the necessary anti-acid medications available to me I was still in quite a shape by the evening hours. [I did leave several messages on M’s cell phone – but hey! He’s in the mountains with limited service – and probably having the time of his life! Still, I just wanted to hear his voice.]

I’m not sure what activity they were doing yesterday – just that their time with Noah’s Ark included hiking, rock climbing, rappelling, and white water rafting. And, truth-be-told, the ‘ole anxiety bug first grabbed hold when I signed all the permission slips including the one that stated I had access to DENTAL RECORDS if needed. I can only recall reading about the need for dental records – and it was never a good scenario… But I had come to grips with the trip and given it all to the Lord, so, really, who knows why this anxiety had such a hold on me yesterday – and why do we always want to take back the things we give to the Lord? Suffice it to say that M and all the kids on the trip were bathed in prayer by me the entire day. Lord, please keep them safe/ Lord, please have your angels surround and protect them/ Lord, please be with me and help me handle things if something goes terribly wrong / but, oh Lord, please keep them safe during this trip.

I know that as believers we are not promised an easy, perfect life. And I also know that I’ve been blessed to lead a relatively charmed life, mostly because the Lord is always with me; helping me as I face life’s troubles head-on. But I do struggle with anxiety even when I want so desperately to give it all to God. And I trust – because I KNOW that He is trustworthy. When I got in from work yesterday and took the time to read through some of my favorite blogs I was humbled when I read Angie’s [to the right] and immediately thought, “Who am I to ask for a problem free life?” I really felt almost knocked to the floor as the Lord said to me, “I am WITH you – no matter what happens.” And I believe that. Really. This life is so full of struggles, and misery, and accidents, and evil. Who am I to think that I might be immune to any of it? I know that, as believers, our Lord is with us every step of the way – even in anxiety.

Please keep the extended Smith family in your prayers. I CANNOT imagine losing two precious babies in less than two months. And please say a little prayer of safety with me for M and the rest of the seniors from our church as they BIKE DOWN PIKE’S PEAK today. Can you tell I’m not much an adventure traveler?

[Update: everyone arrived home safely - biked another mountain because the winds on Pike's Peak were 65 mph! All had a great time and, as for Wednesday and my anxiety - I do believe the Lord pricks our hearts to pray for others - it's happened over and over in my life [without the anxiety, for sure!] - we learned our favorite little gal on the trip had a rough go of it on Wednesday - so glad to know that I was praying for her specifically on that day. The Lord is good.]

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